Facilitator: Bill Turpin
2009/2/12, 2000-2100
What areas you need to concentrate from effective as a person to become an effective coach? We need to make goals for ourselves. Where do you want to be in 6 or 12 months from now?
Goal setting study
(1) 23% of population have no idea what they want in life, so they wander in their life aimless
(2) 67% of population have general idea but no plans of how to get it
(3) 10% have well defined specific goals
(4) Top 3% (from the 10%) achieve their goals (The only variable is that top 3% people write down their goals.)
What's the value for you to write down your goals?
- to reinforce what you are doing
- remind us, help us clarify and to be focused
- to help us visualize the goals
- better commitment to achieve the goal
- specify what we want and how we want to achieve
- share it with someone else
What someone else does not do it?
- lazy
- scare of failure
- do not realize how valuable to write it down
- they think they have clear picture in their head (but "out of sight, out of mind")
SMART goal
S- Specific: I wan to loose 35 ponds
M- Measurable: I wan to loose 35 ponds (how to measure it? maybe 5 ponds a week)
A- Achievable: is it achievable? (loose 35 ponds in one week is not realistic)
R- Result: What is the result when you achieve the goal? How do you know you have achieved the goal? How would you know you got there?
T- Time based: When would you accomplish the goal? What is the date?
Challenge
Write down your goals (personal, career and coaching), it significantly increases the possibility for you to succeed.
Tina's SMART Goal - Complete the ICA program and graduate in Dec. 2009.
Peer Coach Program
It helps you to get started (experience the coaching process via being coached for 12 sessions). Before you coach others, it is suggested to be coached by a peer coach first. We could begin coaching external clients right now, but we could only coach peer coaches after we are coached by a peer coach. Find some focus for being coached.
Coaching = 70% by phone (practice listening skills) + 30 % by face to face. Body language could also be distracting sometimes. A good coach must be a good listener.
2009/2/12
AC108 Coaching Process - I
Facilitator: Sherry Read
2009/2/11: 1900-2000
Difference between coaching process and coaching model? How much our clients would go through the process?
Process
- General pattern that our client would go through in the process coaching. (personal own growth change and discovery)
- Every client would go through the same coaching process (coaching journey)
Model
- What do you do in a session or a short serial of sessions
- Coach's coaching style, coaching structure to be used for different purpose and help client go through the coaching process
- Strategy or different tools from coach to coach, to use during the process
Gap
- Where they are now and where they want to go.
What's the value for you talking through the coaching process?
- Adopt models to the process
- Bring the right tools to the job
Client takes 12 sessions through the stages, what does client do at the beginning? What happens in honeymoon stage?
- Curiosity & expectations (client and coach begin knowing each other)
- Learning to trust, learn to be coached in a save environment,
- Discover what their goals are (someone listen to you and help you find your goal~)
- Identify the challenges or goals the client might have for the next 12 weeks
- Building rapport and trust (client assess whether they could trust us)
At the beginning stage, clients obtain support from coach, but in the second stage they need to take responsibility to move forward.
What happen in the middle period of coaching after the honeymoon? (take "going to the gym" or "quit smoking" for example)
- Feel pressure, bored and tired
- Realize that they have to put efforts to reach the goal, because it's time to take action (it's about keep doing it)
- Sometimes circumstance change, not the motivation change
- It's time for client to take the responsibility – that's the reality
When we learn new skills or pattern of action, there is a natural for people, environment, or society, etc. around us to push us back to our old patterns. We need to be aware of that.
What's going on in the quitting zone?
- Fears: fear of success or achieving the goal or not achieving it (why people are afraid of achieving goals? more responsibilities, new risks or I am not good enough to achieve the goal
- They are not happy in what they are doing and easily to keep excuses
- Is the goal they really want? Are the possibility they feel save when achieving that goal?
If the client stay in the coaching and we help them reach the goal, what would happen? What's going on to client when they meet the goal?
- Find the possibility
- Does the goal really their goal? Are they happy? Any further motivation? New goal?
2009/2/11: 1900-2000
Difference between coaching process and coaching model? How much our clients would go through the process?
Process
- General pattern that our client would go through in the process coaching. (personal own growth change and discovery)
- Every client would go through the same coaching process (coaching journey)
Model
- What do you do in a session or a short serial of sessions
- Coach's coaching style, coaching structure to be used for different purpose and help client go through the coaching process
- Strategy or different tools from coach to coach, to use during the process
Gap
- Where they are now and where they want to go.
What's the value for you talking through the coaching process?
- Adopt models to the process
- Bring the right tools to the job
Client takes 12 sessions through the stages, what does client do at the beginning? What happens in honeymoon stage?
- Curiosity & expectations (client and coach begin knowing each other)
- Learning to trust, learn to be coached in a save environment,
- Discover what their goals are (someone listen to you and help you find your goal~)
- Identify the challenges or goals the client might have for the next 12 weeks
- Building rapport and trust (client assess whether they could trust us)
At the beginning stage, clients obtain support from coach, but in the second stage they need to take responsibility to move forward.
What happen in the middle period of coaching after the honeymoon? (take "going to the gym" or "quit smoking" for example)
- Feel pressure, bored and tired
- Realize that they have to put efforts to reach the goal, because it's time to take action (it's about keep doing it)
- Sometimes circumstance change, not the motivation change
- It's time for client to take the responsibility – that's the reality
When we learn new skills or pattern of action, there is a natural for people, environment, or society, etc. around us to push us back to our old patterns. We need to be aware of that.
What's going on in the quitting zone?
- Fears: fear of success or achieving the goal or not achieving it (why people are afraid of achieving goals? more responsibilities, new risks or I am not good enough to achieve the goal
- They are not happy in what they are doing and easily to keep excuses
- Is the goal they really want? Are the possibility they feel save when achieving that goal?
If the client stay in the coaching and we help them reach the goal, what would happen? What's going on to client when they meet the goal?
- Find the possibility
- Does the goal really their goal? Are they happy? Any further motivation? New goal?
2009/2/11
To marry or not to marry (C7 - Reaserch your topic)
To marry or not to marry? I would like to ask you a question first. How many of you are single now? Please raise your hands. Have you ever been in a situation that people ask you the following questions, "When do you plan to get married?" "Are you going be to single whole life?" (Pause) In that moment, you might yell silently in your mind, "What's wrong to be single? Is getting married that important?" (Pause) I was in that situation and totally understand that kind of feeling. Even I have been married for more than 4 years I am not in the position of "marriage is a must thing in our life." However, which one is better? Today I am going to provide you some information for reference.
According to 主計處, In the past ten years, the single population between 30 to 44 year-old has been increasing for more than one million person/time (人次). The ratio for male to female is about 6 to 4. Among the single females, one fourth of them do not want to get married. The main cause is that women nowadays have better education resources, fairer working environment, independent economic status and the mutual support from family and friends with open-minded attitudes.
Take my closed friends for example, 6 out of 10 are single now. All of them have at least Bachelor or Master degree and make their own living. They are talented and independent. Some of them are seeing someone but not in the rush to get married, because there are lots of thing to be communicated upfront for mutual understanding and acceptance, life style, goals, values, family relationship, housework management, kids or no kids, etc. If above stated issues are not clearly communicated, marriage would not happen easily.
On the other hand, according to 內政部統計處, in the past decade, the divorce rate increases 4% annually. Take 2007 for instance, there were 58,000 married couples decided to get divorced. 31% of the divorce rate was contributed by couples in their first 5 years of marriage, the longer the marriage the lower the divorce rate. The reasons for divorce are different from case to case but mainly echoing to what I have mentioned, whether they got married with only ideal assumptions to each other or they had clear picture of who they were married to.
There was an interesting news report that a Chinese girl looked for a "rental boyfriend" to company her home for the Chinese New Year. The reason was that she had the pressure to show her family that she was in a relationship. That was creative. I have never thought of that. On the contrary, in western society such as France, many couples have kids together without a legal marriage relationship. They want to observe and learn from a real married life to see whether they are suitable for each other in a marriage.
To marry or not to marry? If you ask for my opinions, as a satisfied married woman and used to be a delighted single, I would say that marriage is not a fantasy. It is very practical and takes a lot of compromise. Your spouse is your companion for joy and sorrow, and for better and for worse. I would like to share with you a line of the movie Bridget Jone's Diary, from Mr. Darcy to Bridget, "I like the way you are!" If you have a relationship like this, it does not matter to marry or not to marry. The bottom line is if one plus one cannot be equal to or bigger than two it might be better to maintain single. In other words, marriage or relationship should be a plus but not a minus to our life. To marry or not to marry? Hopefully, the information I provide today could help you answer the question on your own.
According to 主計處, In the past ten years, the single population between 30 to 44 year-old has been increasing for more than one million person/time (人次). The ratio for male to female is about 6 to 4. Among the single females, one fourth of them do not want to get married. The main cause is that women nowadays have better education resources, fairer working environment, independent economic status and the mutual support from family and friends with open-minded attitudes.
Take my closed friends for example, 6 out of 10 are single now. All of them have at least Bachelor or Master degree and make their own living. They are talented and independent. Some of them are seeing someone but not in the rush to get married, because there are lots of thing to be communicated upfront for mutual understanding and acceptance, life style, goals, values, family relationship, housework management, kids or no kids, etc. If above stated issues are not clearly communicated, marriage would not happen easily.
On the other hand, according to 內政部統計處, in the past decade, the divorce rate increases 4% annually. Take 2007 for instance, there were 58,000 married couples decided to get divorced. 31% of the divorce rate was contributed by couples in their first 5 years of marriage, the longer the marriage the lower the divorce rate. The reasons for divorce are different from case to case but mainly echoing to what I have mentioned, whether they got married with only ideal assumptions to each other or they had clear picture of who they were married to.
There was an interesting news report that a Chinese girl looked for a "rental boyfriend" to company her home for the Chinese New Year. The reason was that she had the pressure to show her family that she was in a relationship. That was creative. I have never thought of that. On the contrary, in western society such as France, many couples have kids together without a legal marriage relationship. They want to observe and learn from a real married life to see whether they are suitable for each other in a marriage.
To marry or not to marry? If you ask for my opinions, as a satisfied married woman and used to be a delighted single, I would say that marriage is not a fantasy. It is very practical and takes a lot of compromise. Your spouse is your companion for joy and sorrow, and for better and for worse. I would like to share with you a line of the movie Bridget Jone's Diary, from Mr. Darcy to Bridget, "I like the way you are!" If you have a relationship like this, it does not matter to marry or not to marry. The bottom line is if one plus one cannot be equal to or bigger than two it might be better to maintain single. In other words, marriage or relationship should be a plus but not a minus to our life. To marry or not to marry? Hopefully, the information I provide today could help you answer the question on your own.
Walk in Nara 奈良 (C6 - Vocal Variety)
It's always great to take a break after the peak season of work. The definition of a "real break" to me is visiting another country as a tourist speaking a language and staying in a place that I am not familiar with. This autumn, my colleague, Karen and I had a chance to visit Kyoto, Osaka and Nara in Japan. That was a fantastic experience and today I am going to share with you the day when we walked in Nara.
Contract to the other sunny days in our vacation, the day we visited Nara was raining. Besides, after walking in Kyoto and Osaka for 5 days, we knew that one day pass was really important for our four aching legs. Therefore, right after arriving at Nara, we went to the Tourist Center to buy one-day bus pass. However, the narrator told us the best way to experience Nara was by walking and all the scenic spots are located in walking distance. She strongly recommended us walking instead of taking bus. Otherwise we would miss the beauty of Nara. We were persuaded.
On the way to the first destination, 興福寺with a national Buddhism museum, we saw the mascot of Nara, spotted dears梅花鹿. They are one of the most important assets to Nara. We were prohibited from feeding dears with improper food or playing with baby dears or we might be attacked by mother dears. Therefore, the only thing we did was taking pictures of them. Some of them were crouching, some of them were eating the grass and some of female dears were feeding baby dears. It was really amazing to be surrounded by spotted dears.
After visiting the second scenic spot, 春日大社, although the park and temples were impressive and wonderful, we were a little bit depressed by the non-stop rains and the long distance walking. The truth of so-called walking distance is that all the scenic spots are located from each other for at least one kilometer. In other words, for one destination, we had to walk about 2 kilometers back and forth. Thus we only finished two historic places around noon time. Karen and I decided to take a rest and have our lunch, two big juicy apples, we bought in the department store the day before.
We found a pavilion far away from dears and next to the walking trail. We were happy sitting in a dry area and stretching out our sore legs. We enjoyed the moment and saw a little dear approaching us. Karen though it was a good chance to took picture of it. However, when it stood in front of us and smelled our bags, we suddenly figured out that it was looking for apples, our meals. Without a second thought, I stood up and raised my apple with my right hand and grab the bags with my left hand then shouted to Karen, "Let's get out of here."
We successfully ran away and finally finished our apples on our way to the next destination. Nevertheless, when we arrived at 東大寺, there were more than one hundred dears wandering in front of it and waiting tourists to feed them with cookies. The streets were blocked by dears and their pupu were almost everywhere. Honestly, from my opinions, it's not good for deers to have that kind of habit asking for food, but to stop that unnatural situation, tourists and shops selling deers' cookies have to take most responsibilities.
Walking in Nara is really a good idea to experience the beauty of it. However, with my previous experiences, I would recommend you to visit there with the following conditions. First, pick up a sunny day. Second, wear a pair of comfortable shoes. Third, do not walk too much before you visit there. Fourth, do not eat any delicious fruit in an open area in the park. Fourth, please stop feeding animals or they would be spoilt and do not know how to live like themselves.
Contract to the other sunny days in our vacation, the day we visited Nara was raining. Besides, after walking in Kyoto and Osaka for 5 days, we knew that one day pass was really important for our four aching legs. Therefore, right after arriving at Nara, we went to the Tourist Center to buy one-day bus pass. However, the narrator told us the best way to experience Nara was by walking and all the scenic spots are located in walking distance. She strongly recommended us walking instead of taking bus. Otherwise we would miss the beauty of Nara. We were persuaded.
On the way to the first destination, 興福寺with a national Buddhism museum, we saw the mascot of Nara, spotted dears梅花鹿. They are one of the most important assets to Nara. We were prohibited from feeding dears with improper food or playing with baby dears or we might be attacked by mother dears. Therefore, the only thing we did was taking pictures of them. Some of them were crouching, some of them were eating the grass and some of female dears were feeding baby dears. It was really amazing to be surrounded by spotted dears.
After visiting the second scenic spot, 春日大社, although the park and temples were impressive and wonderful, we were a little bit depressed by the non-stop rains and the long distance walking. The truth of so-called walking distance is that all the scenic spots are located from each other for at least one kilometer. In other words, for one destination, we had to walk about 2 kilometers back and forth. Thus we only finished two historic places around noon time. Karen and I decided to take a rest and have our lunch, two big juicy apples, we bought in the department store the day before.
We found a pavilion far away from dears and next to the walking trail. We were happy sitting in a dry area and stretching out our sore legs. We enjoyed the moment and saw a little dear approaching us. Karen though it was a good chance to took picture of it. However, when it stood in front of us and smelled our bags, we suddenly figured out that it was looking for apples, our meals. Without a second thought, I stood up and raised my apple with my right hand and grab the bags with my left hand then shouted to Karen, "Let's get out of here."
We successfully ran away and finally finished our apples on our way to the next destination. Nevertheless, when we arrived at 東大寺, there were more than one hundred dears wandering in front of it and waiting tourists to feed them with cookies. The streets were blocked by dears and their pupu were almost everywhere. Honestly, from my opinions, it's not good for deers to have that kind of habit asking for food, but to stop that unnatural situation, tourists and shops selling deers' cookies have to take most responsibilities.
Walking in Nara is really a good idea to experience the beauty of it. However, with my previous experiences, I would recommend you to visit there with the following conditions. First, pick up a sunny day. Second, wear a pair of comfortable shoes. Third, do not walk too much before you visit there. Fourth, do not eat any delicious fruit in an open area in the park. Fourth, please stop feeding animals or they would be spoilt and do not know how to live like themselves.
FC101 What is coaching - Part II
Facilitator: Sherry Read
2009/2/9, 2000-2100
Who are the people going to be naturally attracted to you? (someone like me)
Who are the people that I want to attract in most of my life? Because I would like to energize myself, invite them to my world? What are they like? Who are they like? (someone different from me)
It's harder to coach friends or family, because must of time we could have opinions to them. When we listen, we look for patterns of which are good or bad according to our experience, then we are bringing in the judgment into the situation.
What does it mean "to suspend judgment"?
- Just listening (without judgment)
- We do not limit the possibility for the client to see and find according to their values and goals.
What is the difference from judging to evaluating?
Coaching focuses on the future, rather than the past.
Learn from the past, not stuck in the past and move forward. Let go the past.
We acknowledge the past.
Help people to modify their beliefs. We could take the existing believes, add on, modify or shifting them.
Coaching is about being in an action. What does that mean?
- If you are not growing, you are dying.
- Action could be found in taking reflection (what do I learn?).
Coaching is about listening (suspend judgments) and understand clients' reality? Look into the future, rather than dig into the past. We may use the past for information of our strengths, success and how could we use it this time and take action. Actions take many forms, doing things, thinking things and behave things to the direction of future we want to make.
2009/2/9, 2000-2100
Who are the people going to be naturally attracted to you? (someone like me)
Who are the people that I want to attract in most of my life? Because I would like to energize myself, invite them to my world? What are they like? Who are they like? (someone different from me)
It's harder to coach friends or family, because must of time we could have opinions to them. When we listen, we look for patterns of which are good or bad according to our experience, then we are bringing in the judgment into the situation.
What does it mean "to suspend judgment"?
- Just listening (without judgment)
- We do not limit the possibility for the client to see and find according to their values and goals.
What is the difference from judging to evaluating?
Coaching focuses on the future, rather than the past.
Learn from the past, not stuck in the past and move forward. Let go the past.
We acknowledge the past.
Help people to modify their beliefs. We could take the existing believes, add on, modify or shifting them.
Coaching is about being in an action. What does that mean?
- If you are not growing, you are dying.
- Action could be found in taking reflection (what do I learn?).
Coaching is about listening (suspend judgments) and understand clients' reality? Look into the future, rather than dig into the past. We may use the past for information of our strengths, success and how could we use it this time and take action. Actions take many forms, doing things, thinking things and behave things to the direction of future we want to make.
2009/2/5
FC103 Effective Feedback 有效益的回饋–Part II
Facilitator: Bill Turpin
2009/2/5, 20:00~21:00
Key learning points
Effective feedback creates options, alternatives, choices and actions. Feedback helps clients become self-aware and self-decisive. Feedback is a statement of what is (observation and reflection). It is not a thing ought to do or should do. It would be really good to clarify what kind of feedback we need to provide to make it effective (by defining the scope of the feedback). Feedback is mutual and is reflection and not positive or negative.
Feedback is given in view of client's goal and values. Opinions is given is view of our goal and values. We must know clients' goals and values. The better we know their goals and the better the feedback we provide. Effective feedback could build trust, provide options, encourage growth and build self-esteem. Empowering the client means empowering the coaching relationship.Feedback should be specific, as clear as possible. If it is hard (vague) to understand that would be hard to respond.
Opinion attack, feedback attracts.
Fear being misunderstood and we would become offensive.
Be careful and mindful of the time we might turn our feedback to opinions.
When we share our own experience or story, it is only my experience but truth for client's reference and reflection. If the client does not know feedback from opinions, if we ask client their feedback we need to give them the parameters that we are looking for. Helping them understand what is feedback.Give them a story and let them know what opinion is and what feedback is. Wife asks feedback from husband of their dress.
Discussion
Talk about the challenge last week. What did you learn and discover from the challenge?
- We asked for feedback but normally we got opinions
- Most people default to give opinions rather than feedback
- Opinion is not necessary bad, but it would be a life changing when we could provide feedback instead of opinions.
We have to ask question like "what kind of feedback you are looking for?" This is asking for parameters of the feedback. Take Toastmasters for example, which
- Helps you to develop your public speaking skills
- Individual evaluator will provide feedback to assist you to be aware of your performance and improve it.
Parameters of giving feedback effectively
- You need to ask permission because feedback must be welcomed. May I give you some feedback? May I share with you some feedback? (They might not want it, they have to be ready for it, prevent their interruption?) Do I have to ask that questions every time? How often? Obviously you have not to say that, but let them know that it the coaching culture. Depends on the situation.
- Give timely feedback. (We should not interrupt before the person finish talking. Most of time we interrupt because we have conclusions already. It's not good to give the feedback saying like "Let me give you some feedback!" without asking permission)
- Feedback must be "Mutual" and "Objective" (What is the difference between mutual and objective? Mutual feedback : no pressure ; Objective feedback: not personal, not emotional) (Mutual: is a statement of what is, not a statement of you should or ought to doing. We do not want to become bias. Objective : not subject. It's the moment all about client not about you. Understand that we have judgment but suspend it when coaching.)
- Feedback must be truthful (the person will not move on if you tell a lie to them.) In coaching is not about discovering what the truth is. In terms coaching, truth is a framework we work within. Do you think your client want you to lie to them or to be honest with them? Honest, of course.
2009/2/5, 20:00~21:00
Key learning points
Effective feedback creates options, alternatives, choices and actions. Feedback helps clients become self-aware and self-decisive. Feedback is a statement of what is (observation and reflection). It is not a thing ought to do or should do. It would be really good to clarify what kind of feedback we need to provide to make it effective (by defining the scope of the feedback). Feedback is mutual and is reflection and not positive or negative.
Feedback is given in view of client's goal and values. Opinions is given is view of our goal and values. We must know clients' goals and values. The better we know their goals and the better the feedback we provide. Effective feedback could build trust, provide options, encourage growth and build self-esteem. Empowering the client means empowering the coaching relationship.Feedback should be specific, as clear as possible. If it is hard (vague) to understand that would be hard to respond.
Opinion attack, feedback attracts.
Fear being misunderstood and we would become offensive.
Be careful and mindful of the time we might turn our feedback to opinions.
When we share our own experience or story, it is only my experience but truth for client's reference and reflection. If the client does not know feedback from opinions, if we ask client their feedback we need to give them the parameters that we are looking for. Helping them understand what is feedback.Give them a story and let them know what opinion is and what feedback is. Wife asks feedback from husband of their dress.
Discussion
Talk about the challenge last week. What did you learn and discover from the challenge?
- We asked for feedback but normally we got opinions
- Most people default to give opinions rather than feedback
- Opinion is not necessary bad, but it would be a life changing when we could provide feedback instead of opinions.
We have to ask question like "what kind of feedback you are looking for?" This is asking for parameters of the feedback. Take Toastmasters for example, which
- Helps you to develop your public speaking skills
- Individual evaluator will provide feedback to assist you to be aware of your performance and improve it.
Parameters of giving feedback effectively
- You need to ask permission because feedback must be welcomed. May I give you some feedback? May I share with you some feedback? (They might not want it, they have to be ready for it, prevent their interruption?) Do I have to ask that questions every time? How often? Obviously you have not to say that, but let them know that it the coaching culture. Depends on the situation.
- Give timely feedback. (We should not interrupt before the person finish talking. Most of time we interrupt because we have conclusions already. It's not good to give the feedback saying like "Let me give you some feedback!" without asking permission)
- Feedback must be "Mutual" and "Objective" (What is the difference between mutual and objective? Mutual feedback : no pressure ; Objective feedback: not personal, not emotional) (Mutual: is a statement of what is, not a statement of you should or ought to doing. We do not want to become bias. Objective : not subject. It's the moment all about client not about you. Understand that we have judgment but suspend it when coaching.)
- Feedback must be truthful (the person will not move on if you tell a lie to them.) In coaching is not about discovering what the truth is. In terms coaching, truth is a framework we work within. Do you think your client want you to lie to them or to be honest with them? Honest, of course.
《上司管理》養成回報習慣
【經濟日報╱羅智強】 2008.12.15 02:42 am
如果老闆每一交付重要又困難的任務，你都能神速、完美無瑕的完成，肯定是件好事。然而，這種好事多半只發生在小說或連續劇中，在現實世界，雖非「絕無僅有」，但至少不可能「天天發生」。
多數時候，老闆交待的工作，能如期完成，做到七、八十分（意謂還有一、二十分的「進步空間」），即屬佳績。換言之，難免有時候，工作會逾期完成，或者做得不盡理想。這時，如何安撫老闆，就是大學問。
等而下之者，編謊言欺騙上司。這樣的招數一次、兩次或許有用，時間久了西洋鏡必穿，也將失去老闆的信任；等而中之者，則鼓如簧之舌，情理二路分進，向老闆剖析為何逾期、成果不佳，但這種「事後」作法效果不大，因為老闆已因成果未符期待而有「成見」，說服效果有限；等而上之的作法是什麼？答案是：回報。在工作遇到困難，或發現難如期完成時，回報上司，讓他預知、了解。
有些人一接到工作就埋頭苦幹，直到大功告成，而少了「三停」。一停：工作前縱觀的想，工作大概輪廓如何？有何資源可用？有何可能障礙；二停：工作到一半時，停下來評估，工作進度如何？有可資源還需要加強？三停：發現工作進度落後時，該如何補救。
除了「三停」，部屬也常常遺忘「向上司回報」。工作情形、遇到困難回報給上司，可以讓他進入狀況，減少對工作的不安全感與不確定感。相對的，進入狀況的上司較易體諒部屬的處境。
「老闆」的工作範圍比你大、要關心的業務比你多，在你專責的領域中，老闆絕對不比你進入狀況。好部屬不能以完成工作為己足，隨時幫助老闆進入狀況，更是重點功課。
最後，讓老闆進入狀況，他才會知道要動用什麼資源支援你，就算真的幫不上忙，當你做不好或工作逾期，也會減少老闆的不滿意，至少，這樣做會比事後說理甚至說謊，有效的多。
（作者是輔仁大學大傳系兼任講師，著有《法律人，你為什麼不爭氣》）
如果老闆每一交付重要又困難的任務，你都能神速、完美無瑕的完成，肯定是件好事。然而，這種好事多半只發生在小說或連續劇中，在現實世界，雖非「絕無僅有」，但至少不可能「天天發生」。
多數時候，老闆交待的工作，能如期完成，做到七、八十分（意謂還有一、二十分的「進步空間」），即屬佳績。換言之，難免有時候，工作會逾期完成，或者做得不盡理想。這時，如何安撫老闆，就是大學問。
等而下之者，編謊言欺騙上司。這樣的招數一次、兩次或許有用，時間久了西洋鏡必穿，也將失去老闆的信任；等而中之者，則鼓如簧之舌，情理二路分進，向老闆剖析為何逾期、成果不佳，但這種「事後」作法效果不大，因為老闆已因成果未符期待而有「成見」，說服效果有限；等而上之的作法是什麼？答案是：回報。在工作遇到困難，或發現難如期完成時，回報上司，讓他預知、了解。
有些人一接到工作就埋頭苦幹，直到大功告成，而少了「三停」。一停：工作前縱觀的想，工作大概輪廓如何？有何資源可用？有何可能障礙；二停：工作到一半時，停下來評估，工作進度如何？有可資源還需要加強？三停：發現工作進度落後時，該如何補救。
除了「三停」，部屬也常常遺忘「向上司回報」。工作情形、遇到困難回報給上司，可以讓他進入狀況，減少對工作的不安全感與不確定感。相對的，進入狀況的上司較易體諒部屬的處境。
「老闆」的工作範圍比你大、要關心的業務比你多，在你專責的領域中，老闆絕對不比你進入狀況。好部屬不能以完成工作為己足，隨時幫助老闆進入狀況，更是重點功課。
最後，讓老闆進入狀況，他才會知道要動用什麼資源支援你，就算真的幫不上忙，當你做不好或工作逾期，也會減少老闆的不滿意，至少，這樣做會比事後說理甚至說謊，有效的多。
（作者是輔仁大學大傳系兼任講師，著有《法律人，你為什麼不爭氣》）
2009/2/4
Second Proposal (C5 - Your body speaks)
"What is second proposal?" It's not a book, not a movie but a true story took place four years ago. Right after I came back from honeymoon in Bali Island of Indonesia with my newly married husband, I got a second proposal. Until now I still couldn't forget that special moment. You may wonder "What happened? Don't you love your husband, Tina?" Yes, I love him very much because he is the one who gave me a second proposal.
Let's get back to four years ago. When I just got married, my husband was working for one of the top two advertising agencies, McCann Erickson, as an Account Coordinator. At that time, he was in charge of an important marketing event for Nestle to promote a milk powder for women. One day after the honeymoon, he called me. "Baby (That's me); would you please do my agency a favor? Pretend that we are not married yet and perform a proposal for marketing campaign. Journalist from TV station would come to interview us right after the show but they have no clue that it's fake." Since I was an active member in drama club in university, I thought it must be very interesting and said yes.
On that day, I had kept reminding myself not to laugh up my sleeve when acting. I asked my two closed colleagues to support me as passengers. Around the noon time, his colleague called and asked me to step out of my office building. They pass me a big glass of milk, made by milk powder produced for women, and asked me to drink it off. 750 cc was a lot and took me a while. When I almost finished drinking, I saw a diamond ring lying in the bottom of the glass. I was still pretending and asked his colleagues "Is it a lottery? Have I just won something?" Until the moment I saw my husband in his wedding suit with a bunch of roses appearing from the corner and walking to me with a big smile, suddenly, everything seemed so real and I just couldn't help tearing.
He took over the ring, kneeled down and asked the question, "Would you marry me?" I heard the noise from passengers, who didn't know the truth, yelling "Say yes!!" I heard my colleagues, who knew the truth, clapping their hands and shouting "Go, Tina." I heard my heart beating loudly which almost covered my voice. Surrounded by the crowds with congratulations and applause, I was so touched and said. "Yes". I forgot that it's fake. Afterwards, my husband told me when he saw me crying, he felt extremely nervous and it turned out like a real proposal to him. His colleagues did not expect that I was good in acting and the outcome was very impressive.
Now you must be very curious about my first proposal. It's another interesting story. If you are interested, I could tell you the other day. At last, I would like to share some reflections about proposal. Both of my experiences were unique to me personally. However, if you ask me whether it is necessary to prepare for proposal? I would still suggest gentlemen, who are planning to propose to your beloved, take some time to arrange that fabulous moment. You don't have to spend a lot of money but I believe she would be grateful like I am now. Maybe someday, she would also share her wonderful story with other toastmasters like I have just done.
Let's get back to four years ago. When I just got married, my husband was working for one of the top two advertising agencies, McCann Erickson, as an Account Coordinator. At that time, he was in charge of an important marketing event for Nestle to promote a milk powder for women. One day after the honeymoon, he called me. "Baby (That's me); would you please do my agency a favor? Pretend that we are not married yet and perform a proposal for marketing campaign. Journalist from TV station would come to interview us right after the show but they have no clue that it's fake." Since I was an active member in drama club in university, I thought it must be very interesting and said yes.
On that day, I had kept reminding myself not to laugh up my sleeve when acting. I asked my two closed colleagues to support me as passengers. Around the noon time, his colleague called and asked me to step out of my office building. They pass me a big glass of milk, made by milk powder produced for women, and asked me to drink it off. 750 cc was a lot and took me a while. When I almost finished drinking, I saw a diamond ring lying in the bottom of the glass. I was still pretending and asked his colleagues "Is it a lottery? Have I just won something?" Until the moment I saw my husband in his wedding suit with a bunch of roses appearing from the corner and walking to me with a big smile, suddenly, everything seemed so real and I just couldn't help tearing.
He took over the ring, kneeled down and asked the question, "Would you marry me?" I heard the noise from passengers, who didn't know the truth, yelling "Say yes!!" I heard my colleagues, who knew the truth, clapping their hands and shouting "Go, Tina." I heard my heart beating loudly which almost covered my voice. Surrounded by the crowds with congratulations and applause, I was so touched and said. "Yes". I forgot that it's fake. Afterwards, my husband told me when he saw me crying, he felt extremely nervous and it turned out like a real proposal to him. His colleagues did not expect that I was good in acting and the outcome was very impressive.
Now you must be very curious about my first proposal. It's another interesting story. If you are interested, I could tell you the other day. At last, I would like to share some reflections about proposal. Both of my experiences were unique to me personally. However, if you ask me whether it is necessary to prepare for proposal? I would still suggest gentlemen, who are planning to propose to your beloved, take some time to arrange that fabulous moment. You don't have to spend a lot of money but I believe she would be grateful like I am now. Maybe someday, she would also share her wonderful story with other toastmasters like I have just done.
Volunteer Journey in Northern Thailand (C4 - How to say it)
Have you ever heard of Golden Triangle (金三角)? Please raise your hands. Golden Triangle is the area covering national borders of Laos, Myanmar, China and Thailand. It used to be the largest poppy farm in the world. Poppy is not a "cute little dog" but the plant to produce opium (鴉片). Today I am going to tell you my story of being a volunteer teacher in Northern Thailand (泰北). The content will include the little town I visited, the school I served, the people I met and the gifts I received.
In 2005, without planning the next step of my life, I decided to resign my previous job and to be a short-term volunteer teacher. I went to a little town near Golden Triangle in Northern Thailand with my best friend and my younger sister. The little town is surrounded with tropical forests and mist in high mountains. it has a dazzling name, Pile of Stars (滿星疊). Only hundreds of people live there. Chinese, the descendants left behind the civil war in 1950s, comprise more than 60 percent of the population. The rests are refugees from Myanmar and China or the ethnic minority in Northern Thailand.
We served at Da-Tung Junior High School (大同中學). It provides Chinese learning from kindergarten to junior high. Students have to go to Thai school for obligated education in the daytime till four p.m., because they are Thai citizen. After school, they go to Da-Tung from 4 pm to 7 pm for further learning in Chinese. Da-Tung can only exist as an extension school. Students learn Chinese, Math, English and other subjects. The main purpose is to learn Chinese with the benefits of reviewing their homework. Due to the shortage of resources, some of the classrooms do not have windows and students use textbooks as their family heirloom, generation after generation.
Principal Ming-guang Chang (張明光校長) used to be a guerrilla when he was young. Now he leads about twenty teachers educating those children. During the 18 days in Pile of Stars, mostly we supported as substitute teachers. I taught English. My sister taught Chinese. Kids there are very warm and sincere. They would loudly greet us with big smiles when they see us five meters away on the streets. Even with the limited learning resources, they treasure the opportunity to learn Chinese and live in Chinese Culture. Even in a difficult living environment, they try hard to be connected with the mother country, Republic of China.
Now I would like to show you some pictures we took.
Back to the story, what are the gifts I received? First, be contented and thankful of what we have now. We are very lucky to be born in Taiwan with abundant educational and living resources. Second, try to help others in need. We can contribute one afternoon in weekends for volunteer or donate the secondhand daily supplies, such as clothes and books. At the end, I would like to conclude my volunteer journey in Northern Thailand with the following sentence, "The one who gives is the one who receives."
In 2005, without planning the next step of my life, I decided to resign my previous job and to be a short-term volunteer teacher. I went to a little town near Golden Triangle in Northern Thailand with my best friend and my younger sister. The little town is surrounded with tropical forests and mist in high mountains. it has a dazzling name, Pile of Stars (滿星疊). Only hundreds of people live there. Chinese, the descendants left behind the civil war in 1950s, comprise more than 60 percent of the population. The rests are refugees from Myanmar and China or the ethnic minority in Northern Thailand.
We served at Da-Tung Junior High School (大同中學). It provides Chinese learning from kindergarten to junior high. Students have to go to Thai school for obligated education in the daytime till four p.m., because they are Thai citizen. After school, they go to Da-Tung from 4 pm to 7 pm for further learning in Chinese. Da-Tung can only exist as an extension school. Students learn Chinese, Math, English and other subjects. The main purpose is to learn Chinese with the benefits of reviewing their homework. Due to the shortage of resources, some of the classrooms do not have windows and students use textbooks as their family heirloom, generation after generation.
Principal Ming-guang Chang (張明光校長) used to be a guerrilla when he was young. Now he leads about twenty teachers educating those children. During the 18 days in Pile of Stars, mostly we supported as substitute teachers. I taught English. My sister taught Chinese. Kids there are very warm and sincere. They would loudly greet us with big smiles when they see us five meters away on the streets. Even with the limited learning resources, they treasure the opportunity to learn Chinese and live in Chinese Culture. Even in a difficult living environment, they try hard to be connected with the mother country, Republic of China.
Now I would like to show you some pictures we took.
Back to the story, what are the gifts I received? First, be contented and thankful of what we have now. We are very lucky to be born in Taiwan with abundant educational and living resources. Second, try to help others in need. We can contribute one afternoon in weekends for volunteer or donate the secondhand daily supplies, such as clothes and books. At the end, I would like to conclude my volunteer journey in Northern Thailand with the following sentence, "The one who gives is the one who receives."
Good Listening Skills (C3 - Get to the point)
How many of you do not have to say a word in one day? Please raise your hand. Just like the answer you showed me, none. Most of us have to say something or speak everyday, with colleagues or with family members. When we talk, we want to be listened. However, when we were audience instead, we often forget this important factor, listening. We interrupt, we talk back, we don't know how to keep patience and just be a good listener. Today, my speech will cover three indices of good listening skills, facial expression, body language and verbal response.
First, facial expression. When we listen to others, our facial expression is the most obvious index showing whether we are interested or not. A good listener always looks at the speaker. Look at the triangle area between two eyes and the nose. Move back and forth from the eyes to the triangle, but not too fast (demo). Please do not look into the eyes directly and deeply (demo). He/she might think you have other intention to him or her. Properly smile is another important message from your face (demo). Keep smiling makes the speaker feel you are friendly and interested in the conversation. At last, nodding your head (demo) from time to time encourages the speaker to share more information with you.
Second, body language. First of all, pay attention to the comfortable distance. Keep about one person's space between the speaker and you (demo). It suits standing or sitting. Observe the speaker's movement and amend the comfortable distance accordingly. Besides, do not cross your arms like this (demo). It shows offensive and critical message intangibly. Consider putting your hands folded or taking notes (demo), by which shows you pay attention to the conversation. When you take notes, you take notes. Do not scrawl on your notes, the speaker can tell. Reminder, don't forget look at the person who talks. You are not talking your notebook, right?
Third, verbal response. One communication contains two persons' active participation. A good listener does not mean that you are muted. It would be really nice that provide some verbal response. You can repeat or rephrase what you heard, such as "As you just mention..." Besides, you can ask questions relative to the information the speaker sated and obtain further information from the speaker, like "Can you give me some examples?" You can also summary a little bit for a period of time, for example "I see, so the facial expression include..." Via these actions, they are sure that you are really here listening with your body and soul.
OK. Let's recap what we just learnt. What are the three indices of a good listener? (Wait for the response from audience.) They are facial Expression, body language and verbal response. Of the facial expression, we look at the person, we keep smiling and we nod our head. Of the body language, keep the comfortable distance, do not cross you arms, keep your hand folded or take notes when necessary. Of the verbal response, we repeat and rephrase as well as ask relative questions. Dear friends, please keep it in mind, when we talk, we wanted to be listened and vice versa.
First, facial expression. When we listen to others, our facial expression is the most obvious index showing whether we are interested or not. A good listener always looks at the speaker. Look at the triangle area between two eyes and the nose. Move back and forth from the eyes to the triangle, but not too fast (demo). Please do not look into the eyes directly and deeply (demo). He/she might think you have other intention to him or her. Properly smile is another important message from your face (demo). Keep smiling makes the speaker feel you are friendly and interested in the conversation. At last, nodding your head (demo) from time to time encourages the speaker to share more information with you.
Second, body language. First of all, pay attention to the comfortable distance. Keep about one person's space between the speaker and you (demo). It suits standing or sitting. Observe the speaker's movement and amend the comfortable distance accordingly. Besides, do not cross your arms like this (demo). It shows offensive and critical message intangibly. Consider putting your hands folded or taking notes (demo), by which shows you pay attention to the conversation. When you take notes, you take notes. Do not scrawl on your notes, the speaker can tell. Reminder, don't forget look at the person who talks. You are not talking your notebook, right?
Third, verbal response. One communication contains two persons' active participation. A good listener does not mean that you are muted. It would be really nice that provide some verbal response. You can repeat or rephrase what you heard, such as "As you just mention..." Besides, you can ask questions relative to the information the speaker sated and obtain further information from the speaker, like "Can you give me some examples?" You can also summary a little bit for a period of time, for example "I see, so the facial expression include..." Via these actions, they are sure that you are really here listening with your body and soul.
OK. Let's recap what we just learnt. What are the three indices of a good listener? (Wait for the response from audience.) They are facial Expression, body language and verbal response. Of the facial expression, we look at the person, we keep smiling and we nod our head. Of the body language, keep the comfortable distance, do not cross you arms, keep your hand folded or take notes when necessary. Of the verbal response, we repeat and rephrase as well as ask relative questions. Dear friends, please keep it in mind, when we talk, we wanted to be listened and vice versa.
Wedding Plan (C2 - Organize your speech)
Before I deliver my speech, I have a few questions to ask you first. How many of you are single? Please raise your hand. How many of you have a plan to get married in a near further? Do you know how long it will take to prepare a wedding? (More than six months). Yes, most people will organize a wedding for more than six months, even up to one year. The last question is do you know how long it took me to plan a wedding and get it done successfully? Six weeks.
How did we make it? According to my experience, I would like to share some ideas with you. There are mainly three parts to plan a successful wedding, wedding photos, wedding ceremony and wedding feast.
First, wedding photos, you could collect your friends' wedding cards when you attend their wedding feast from now on. You can tell from the cards if the style meets you and your honey's taste. When picking up a wedding photo shop, you also need to consider the price and location. Price. How much money you want to spend for wedding pictures? You could surf relative websites or attend the "Wedding and Jewel" exhibition in world trade center. You can find valuable information and cheaper price. Location. The wedding photo shop shall be close to the bride's home. Why? It takes a long time to put on make-ups for bride and bride's mates. It could save the traffic time if the wedding shop is close to bride's home.
Second, wedding ceremony, the most important thing is to ask both of your parents if they have any rules or taboos that you need to follow or avoid. Once you get the ground rules in advance, you can reduce the potential quarrels afterwards. Then you can look for the traditional formal wedding procedures. Use the standard format and modify the process according to you parents' advice. Once you get the procedure done, please draft it as a drama script with word or excel. Put on time, roles, the lines they have to say and the items or equipments they are in charge of. Print it out to every one who will play a role in the wedding ceremony that they can follow it. It is very useful for time management and they can remind each other without missing any important parts.
Third, wedding feast, make the guest list roughly and survey several venues in advance. If you have not decided the exact wedding date, please reserve at least two possible dates and venues for options. Parking lot is always welcomed by the guests. Review the guest list by calling them or e-mailing them to confirm their attendance. It is nice to reserve one or two tables for unexpected guests. Again, you can visit the wedding exhibition in the world trade center for a better package, such as free juice or wine.
These are my suggestions for planning a successful wedding in three perspectives, wedding photos, wedding ceremony and wedding feast. My husband and I were crazily busy at that time and we could only meet each other on weekends. We communicated by phones and e-mails. If we could make it, you can make it. One last thing to share with you, make a deal with your sweetheart. "No matter what, we shall not fight during the process of getting married." It is very impotent. At least, that was a crucial factor for my husband and me to complete our task: getting married in six weeks since the date he proposed.
How did we make it? According to my experience, I would like to share some ideas with you. There are mainly three parts to plan a successful wedding, wedding photos, wedding ceremony and wedding feast.
First, wedding photos, you could collect your friends' wedding cards when you attend their wedding feast from now on. You can tell from the cards if the style meets you and your honey's taste. When picking up a wedding photo shop, you also need to consider the price and location. Price. How much money you want to spend for wedding pictures? You could surf relative websites or attend the "Wedding and Jewel" exhibition in world trade center. You can find valuable information and cheaper price. Location. The wedding photo shop shall be close to the bride's home. Why? It takes a long time to put on make-ups for bride and bride's mates. It could save the traffic time if the wedding shop is close to bride's home.
Second, wedding ceremony, the most important thing is to ask both of your parents if they have any rules or taboos that you need to follow or avoid. Once you get the ground rules in advance, you can reduce the potential quarrels afterwards. Then you can look for the traditional formal wedding procedures. Use the standard format and modify the process according to you parents' advice. Once you get the procedure done, please draft it as a drama script with word or excel. Put on time, roles, the lines they have to say and the items or equipments they are in charge of. Print it out to every one who will play a role in the wedding ceremony that they can follow it. It is very useful for time management and they can remind each other without missing any important parts.
Third, wedding feast, make the guest list roughly and survey several venues in advance. If you have not decided the exact wedding date, please reserve at least two possible dates and venues for options. Parking lot is always welcomed by the guests. Review the guest list by calling them or e-mailing them to confirm their attendance. It is nice to reserve one or two tables for unexpected guests. Again, you can visit the wedding exhibition in the world trade center for a better package, such as free juice or wine.
These are my suggestions for planning a successful wedding in three perspectives, wedding photos, wedding ceremony and wedding feast. My husband and I were crazily busy at that time and we could only meet each other on weekends. We communicated by phones and e-mails. If we could make it, you can make it. One last thing to share with you, make a deal with your sweetheart. "No matter what, we shall not fight during the process of getting married." It is very impotent. At least, that was a crucial factor for my husband and me to complete our task: getting married in six weeks since the date he proposed.
Tina (C1 - Ice Breaker)
"Work and life balance" was my life attitude until I took the position of Learning and Development Manager in PricewaterhouseCoopers Taiwan. I am Tina Huang and I would like to introduce myself with four parts, family, education, work and life.
I was born in a middle class family. I am the eldest child with one younger sister and one little brother. My sister currently studies in Tong-Hua University for her PhD in Chinese Literature. My brother just graduated from Ching-Hua University with his Master Degree in Power Mechanical Engineering. My parents are both retired now. They put high emphasis on learning English. For example, they hired in-house English tutors for practicing English conversation every week when I was ten years old for couple of years. I guess that’s why I am not afraid of speaking English and built up the dream of studying aboard.
After graduating from Providence University with double majors of English Literature and Linguistic, and Tourism Management, I went to Hawaii for my MBA in Finance. Those two years were wonderful; I studied hard and played hard. I actively participated in activities and community service of Graduate Students' Organization and Rotary Club and graduated with GPA 3.67. Just one more A, I would have gotten the Distinguish Student. I am still a little bit sorry for that.
Right after coming back from Hawaii, I worked for two listed companies in fields of corporate finance and investment finance for three years. However, I found I didn't like to deal with figures and money, especially when I had to write a report supporting a bad merge and acquisition decision or to draw a fantasy vision for investors to buy stocks. Therefore I made an important decision of transferring my career from Finance to Education.
In my opinions, no matter who you are, once you have the opportunity to learn you have the chance to create a better life. It's been four years since when. I contributed two years for International Human Resource Development of International Cooperation and Development Fund under Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Now I am here. You might think, wao, what a big change. Weren't those three years in Finance waste? No, my experience of those three years became one essential capability to apply the job in PwC. The most important is I met my husband at my first job.
During my leisure time, I like to travel, see movies, read books, watch drama, practice yoga and meditate. Some of them are relative to my religion. I am a Chinese Buddhist, which means I believe in Buddha and Tao. I enjoy learning and experiencing the truth and the fact of life. For example, I read scripture and books discussing spirit. I visited historical scenery and temples when I traveled in Taiwan, China, Thailand, Malaysia, Japan and England. I went to Northern Thailand to be volunteer teacher after I get married. Via those experiences, I felt fulfilled and peaceful.
It takes time for retreat, for communicating with the inner me. However, it's been quite a long time that I have been too busy to have sufficient time doing so. If you ask me, what's your biggest wish now? I would say I want to have more time for myself, my family and my unborn kids, because I want to find my work-life balance back.
2009/2/3
AC103 Creating Structures
Facilitator: Bill Turpin
2009/2/3 & 2/10, 2000-2100
Structures promote professionalism. (ICF have the policies and structures on its website.) Structures protect the coaching session and free me out for what I really want to do. We want the structures to eliminate the distraction of the coaching moments.
Discussion
Q: What does the word "structure" mean to you? What do you feel? What if there is no structure in your life, what could happen?
- Everything in you life, there is a structure to support your commitment.
- Structures are there to support you but you have to commit.
Q: What's the difference between standard and boundary?
- Standards are for me, which describe what my clients expect for me
- Boundary are for others, which describe my expectation to clients
Q: What could a client expect working with me?
- Confidentiality (a truth comes in a safe environment); how do they know that? I tell them, it's part of structure, my standard and professionalism
- Be there once the session is scheduled
- No judgmental
- Patient listener
Q: What happens when the confidentiality is violated? What are your following steps?
Ask client to tell you when it happens and tell you how to make it right, because we would not want to make the mistake twice.
Q: What do you expect from your clients?
- turn the cell phone off in the coaching session, unless they have emergency situation
- In what manner you want to be paid? When and how?
Q: How do your clients know your expectations?
Tell them your policies and procedures. We want to make sure that we do not work on the assumptions. For example, for a coaching session, who calls who? How long we wait for the call? We need to communicate upfront for no misunderstanding and assumptions. Create FAQ, policies and structures.
Q: If you make an agreement that they have to pay before the session? But if they did not pay, what would you do?
- Ask the client pay first politely then begin the coaching session.
- I prefer them to pay me in advance and if they pay me in advance they have discount.
- "Show me the money."
- "Help me to help you."
Q: There are two types of coaching, official (face to face) and non-official (telephone) ones? Is there any different of the structures between these two?
It's an excellent question. Majority coaching now is phone to phone (60%). It depends on your niches, which affect your coaching structures. Which one you think is more effective for you! We could do face to face and phone to phone at the same time. Make it an option for your client.
Q: Which niche you think is more suitable for face to face coaching?
- get the person out of the office, a different environment / a coaching environment
- relationship coaching is good for face to face (for couples)
- anger management coaching
- wellness coaching sometimes
Q: What if client call us between the coaching session?
Bill's example: extra time could be the service since they have hired us. Sometimes we even need to force clients to call us when they are in difficult.
- They could call me 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. Provide them the direct number, if I could not get it I would get it back right away.
- If you are drunk in the bar and if no one takes you home, call me and I would come to get you.
- Get out of the dark day. Sailing with a client for an outdoor activity – one on one coaching and take a break from office.
Reference
Put on some structures example under Bill Turpin's name.
2009/2/3 & 2/10, 2000-2100
Structures promote professionalism. (ICF have the policies and structures on its website.) Structures protect the coaching session and free me out for what I really want to do. We want the structures to eliminate the distraction of the coaching moments.
Discussion
Q: What does the word "structure" mean to you? What do you feel? What if there is no structure in your life, what could happen?
- Everything in you life, there is a structure to support your commitment.
- Structures are there to support you but you have to commit.
Q: What's the difference between standard and boundary?
- Standards are for me, which describe what my clients expect for me
- Boundary are for others, which describe my expectation to clients
Q: What could a client expect working with me?
- Confidentiality (a truth comes in a safe environment); how do they know that? I tell them, it's part of structure, my standard and professionalism
- Be there once the session is scheduled
- No judgmental
- Patient listener
Q: What happens when the confidentiality is violated? What are your following steps?
Ask client to tell you when it happens and tell you how to make it right, because we would not want to make the mistake twice.
Q: What do you expect from your clients?
- turn the cell phone off in the coaching session, unless they have emergency situation
- In what manner you want to be paid? When and how?
Q: How do your clients know your expectations?
Tell them your policies and procedures. We want to make sure that we do not work on the assumptions. For example, for a coaching session, who calls who? How long we wait for the call? We need to communicate upfront for no misunderstanding and assumptions. Create FAQ, policies and structures.
Q: If you make an agreement that they have to pay before the session? But if they did not pay, what would you do?
- Ask the client pay first politely then begin the coaching session.
- I prefer them to pay me in advance and if they pay me in advance they have discount.
- "Show me the money."
- "Help me to help you."
Q: There are two types of coaching, official (face to face) and non-official (telephone) ones? Is there any different of the structures between these two?
It's an excellent question. Majority coaching now is phone to phone (60%). It depends on your niches, which affect your coaching structures. Which one you think is more effective for you! We could do face to face and phone to phone at the same time. Make it an option for your client.
Q: Which niche you think is more suitable for face to face coaching?
- get the person out of the office, a different environment / a coaching environment
- relationship coaching is good for face to face (for couples)
- anger management coaching
- wellness coaching sometimes
Q: What if client call us between the coaching session?
Bill's example: extra time could be the service since they have hired us. Sometimes we even need to force clients to call us when they are in difficult.
- They could call me 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. Provide them the direct number, if I could not get it I would get it back right away.
- If you are drunk in the bar and if no one takes you home, call me and I would come to get you.
- Get out of the dark day. Sailing with a client for an outdoor activity – one on one coaching and take a break from office.
Reference
Put on some structures example under Bill Turpin's name.
2009/2/2
FC101 What is coaching - Part I
Facilitator: Sherry Read
2009/2/2, 2000-2100
Key learning points
Coaching is to help client find their possibility. People have within them is the ability to find the solution that works form them. They have all the pieces and find them as a whole. Coaching help them find the answers and to be confident to face the challenge. Coach helps clients find different ways to move forward as well as possibilities of future. Fundamental believe – people are more than they are. They could choose who they want to be.
Coaching is same but issues are same. Depending on the coach’s background and experience, coaches could use same language and provide more relative suggestions. Some definition of different levels of coaching:
Life coaching: we all have same language and experience in life coaching. Life coaching may become the beginning of the other greater purpose of life and turns to business, career, relationship, and so on…No matter which coaching begins, we would all come back to life.
Business Coaching: People who work in business environment with business issue: small business, entrepreneurship, leadership management, business building, smaller business
Corporate executive coaching: senior leaders in larger companies, CEO, senior managers, more responsibility based on their position in the company
Discussion
Q: What is coaching? Jot down three words or phrases that we think describe coaching?
- listening, helping, empowering, way to happiness, best friend, guiding, partnership, enthusing, accountability, provide save place to discuss dream, cheer leading, honoring the client
What is not coaching?
- Criticize, therapy, consoling, consulting, leading, giving solution, directing, judging
Is that a challenge to not make suggestions?
Yes. If we are problem solver and we tend to solve problems. If we used to find solutions we would like to find solutions.
How to support us in the transition being coach?
- we could ask others to coach us and give us feedback
- move my head to my heart, from judgment to focus on the client
- asking questions instead of giving solutions
- continue practicing holding judgment
What are the advantages of coaching?
- help people to grow themselves and take responsibility for themselves
- show them that they have their own choices and take action
- help them find their confidence by helping them find the solutions
- focusing on the future than the past
- experience the change of life, coaching talk about action and move forward (motion focused – what is the next step)
- provide client different perspectives
Why clients want to hire a coach?
- career transition
- business planning
- I can see where I wan to go but I cannot get there
- organizing and Balancing life
- work-life balance
- relationships
- increase profits in business
- communication
- finding passion
- finding a partner
- dealing with teenager
- sports results
- specific issue in life
- trusting myself – getting confidence
- healthy life style
- decision making in business
- educational and school issues
Exercise
Brainstorm the above list and make it longer, according to anything happened around the world that people want to become happier and might come to a coach. What kind of skills that you could provide to be a coach?
2009/2/2, 2000-2100
Key learning points
Coaching is to help client find their possibility. People have within them is the ability to find the solution that works form them. They have all the pieces and find them as a whole. Coaching help them find the answers and to be confident to face the challenge. Coach helps clients find different ways to move forward as well as possibilities of future. Fundamental believe – people are more than they are. They could choose who they want to be.
Coaching is same but issues are same. Depending on the coach’s background and experience, coaches could use same language and provide more relative suggestions. Some definition of different levels of coaching:
Life coaching: we all have same language and experience in life coaching. Life coaching may become the beginning of the other greater purpose of life and turns to business, career, relationship, and so on…No matter which coaching begins, we would all come back to life.
Business Coaching: People who work in business environment with business issue: small business, entrepreneurship, leadership management, business building, smaller business
Corporate executive coaching: senior leaders in larger companies, CEO, senior managers, more responsibility based on their position in the company
Discussion
Q: What is coaching? Jot down three words or phrases that we think describe coaching?
- listening, helping, empowering, way to happiness, best friend, guiding, partnership, enthusing, accountability, provide save place to discuss dream, cheer leading, honoring the client
What is not coaching?
- Criticize, therapy, consoling, consulting, leading, giving solution, directing, judging
Is that a challenge to not make suggestions?
Yes. If we are problem solver and we tend to solve problems. If we used to find solutions we would like to find solutions.
How to support us in the transition being coach?
- we could ask others to coach us and give us feedback
- move my head to my heart, from judgment to focus on the client
- asking questions instead of giving solutions
- continue practicing holding judgment
What are the advantages of coaching?
- help people to grow themselves and take responsibility for themselves
- show them that they have their own choices and take action
- help them find their confidence by helping them find the solutions
- focusing on the future than the past
- experience the change of life, coaching talk about action and move forward (motion focused – what is the next step)
- provide client different perspectives
Why clients want to hire a coach?
- career transition
- business planning
- I can see where I wan to go but I cannot get there
- organizing and Balancing life
- work-life balance
- relationships
- increase profits in business
- communication
- finding passion
- finding a partner
- dealing with teenager
- sports results
- specific issue in life
- trusting myself – getting confidence
- healthy life style
- decision making in business
- educational and school issues
Exercise
Brainstorm the above list and make it longer, according to anything happened around the world that people want to become happier and might come to a coach. What kind of skills that you could provide to be a coach?
AC107 Coaching Model
Key Learning Points (extracted from ICA reading)
Coaching is a form of consulting. The difference between coaching and consulting is that a consultant comes in, fixes something, and then leaves. The coach stays with the client to help implement new skills, work through the challenge of change and set an action plan to achieve goals.
Where typically the consultant is an expert in a field, a coach does not claim to be an expert, but is there to bring out the expertise in the client. The coach does not claim to have all the answers, but instead has the right questions to support the client to find their own answers. The relationship with a consultant is usually focused on a particular area and is short term. The relationship with a coach is holistic in nature and is usually a longer-term relationship.
Examples of Coaching Processes
Coaching is a hybrid field, with roots in a range of philosophies and professional practices. As a result there are a number of styles of coaching, which vary according to the tradition or philosophical approach they grew out of. Many management training organisations or departments in universities have their own unique styles of coaching that they advocate for use amongst their students. Many professional coaches have developed their own unique processes and have published these on the internet or in books to share with the rest of the coaching profession. Below is a list of some documented coaching styles, which you may have heard about before or may wish to learn more about.
Coaching is a form of consulting. The difference between coaching and consulting is that a consultant comes in, fixes something, and then leaves. The coach stays with the client to help implement new skills, work through the challenge of change and set an action plan to achieve goals.
Where typically the consultant is an expert in a field, a coach does not claim to be an expert, but is there to bring out the expertise in the client. The coach does not claim to have all the answers, but instead has the right questions to support the client to find their own answers. The relationship with a consultant is usually focused on a particular area and is short term. The relationship with a coach is holistic in nature and is usually a longer-term relationship.
Examples of Coaching Processes
Coaching is a hybrid field, with roots in a range of philosophies and professional practices. As a result there are a number of styles of coaching, which vary according to the tradition or philosophical approach they grew out of. Many management training organisations or departments in universities have their own unique styles of coaching that they advocate for use amongst their students. Many professional coaches have developed their own unique processes and have published these on the internet or in books to share with the rest of the coaching profession. Below is a list of some documented coaching styles, which you may have heard about before or may wish to learn more about.
- Motivational Interviewing
- Reality Therapy
- Socratic Dialogue
- Single-, double-, triple-loop Model (Hargrove)
- Co-Active Model (Solution Focussed Therapy/Coaching (O’Hanlon)
- CAAACS Model (Auerbach)
- Eight Stage Model (Hudson)
- Stage of Change Model (Procheska & Norcross)
- Systems Perspective (Tobias, 1996)
- Systems & Psychodynamic Approach (Kilburg, 1996, 2000)
- Iterative Feedback Model (Diedrich, 1996)
- Multimodal Therapy Model (Richard, 1999)
- REBT (Anderson, 2002; Sherin & Caiger, 2004)
- Transformative-developmental model (Laske, 1999)
- Constructive-developmental theory approach (Fitzgerald & Berger, 2002)
- Action Frame Theory Approach (Cocivera & Cronshaw, 2004)
- Existential Approach (Peltier, 2001)
AC105 Creating Action
Key Learning Points (extracted from ICA reading)
The Action Process
- Focus on Values
- Enhancing strengths (adopt POPS?): Focusing on a client’s weaknesses does not support them in moving forward, however, it is important to be aware of them so that they don’t get in the way. It is more effective for clients to think in terms of “distractions”, “barriers” and “roadblocks” rather than “weaknesses”. The term “weakness” implies an inherent flaw in a person’s make-up. The terms “distraction”, “barrier” and “roadblock”, on the other hand refer to short-term situations. They don’t sound immovable. They sound manageable. They are not general statements about the person. They only exist in relation to the person’s strengths.
- Gathering resources to support the action
- Goal-setting
- Prevent slipping into old patterns
- Creating an action plan
- Positive affirmations
- Focusing on solutions
- Build on past successes: A tool for tapping into past successes is to create a Success Life Line. Have the client draw a line on a piece of paper. At the left side of the line, have them write the date when they were born. Starting from the left side and working toward the right, have them write the date and a short statement of every success they have had since then. For example, winning a spelling bee contest, graduating from school, or having a baby. These are all examples of when they completed something successfully. Once the client has completed the Success Life Line have them write down what strengths they used to achieve this success. This will help develop their inventory of strengths. It will also provide a real life example of when they used those strengths. Whenever the client becomes discouraged they can review their success life line and tap into the power of that moment to gain encouragement.
- Create a list of encouraging role models
- Enlist the help of a support team
AC104 Goal Setting
Key learning points (extracted from ICA reading)
Structuring goals
There is a system to be able to create goals. To just say we want something isn’t enough. We must provide a structure for creating what we want in our life. There is an acronym that is often used to describe powerful goals which helps us to evaluate whether we have thoroughly thought them through. It is S.M.A.R.T and stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound.
Specific
– Goals should be specific. Saying you want to earn more money isn’t enough. How much more money do you want to earn?
Measurable
– Goals must be measurable. If the goal is not measurable, then how will you know you can obtain it? For example, when you state how much money you want to make, you now have something to measure and will know when you can obtain it.
Achievable
– Goals should be a stretch, but still achievable. If the goal is too far out of reach, it will not be motivating. Its important to have big dreams in your life but in order to keep yourself motivated you may want to break these down into smaller, more achievable goals. For example, you may have a desire to be financially independent so that you can quit your job and volunteer overseas in a developing country, but this dream is about 10 years away, minimum. Perhaps a more achievable goal that is still aligned with the bigger dream is to pay off your house so that you no longer have mortgage demands.
Realistic
– While you reach for the sky it’s important to know your limitations. For instance, a 56-year old man who has no political experience, who wants to set a goal of being President of the United States in the next five years, is setting a goal that is not realistic. However, setting a goal for more political involvement such as running for local office or working on a political campaign is a very realistic and worthwhile goal. Unrealistic goals are dispiriting and can prevent people from moving forward at all.
Time bound
– To make a goal compelling it must be time bound. The question to ask a client when setting goals is “By when?” The date can always be adjusted, but it gives the client something to work towards and is motivating.
Goal Achievement Process
1. Set the Goal.
2. List the resources needed to achieve it.
3. List the assets you currently have to make it possible.
4. Identify any blocks or obstacles standing in the way.
5. List any significant milestones to reach along the way (with dates).
6. List the actions required to meet the first milestone by a given date.
7. Build in a reward or celebration for when you do reach the goal.
Structuring goals
There is a system to be able to create goals. To just say we want something isn’t enough. We must provide a structure for creating what we want in our life. There is an acronym that is often used to describe powerful goals which helps us to evaluate whether we have thoroughly thought them through. It is S.M.A.R.T and stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound.
Specific
– Goals should be specific. Saying you want to earn more money isn’t enough. How much more money do you want to earn?
Measurable
– Goals must be measurable. If the goal is not measurable, then how will you know you can obtain it? For example, when you state how much money you want to make, you now have something to measure and will know when you can obtain it.
Achievable
– Goals should be a stretch, but still achievable. If the goal is too far out of reach, it will not be motivating. Its important to have big dreams in your life but in order to keep yourself motivated you may want to break these down into smaller, more achievable goals. For example, you may have a desire to be financially independent so that you can quit your job and volunteer overseas in a developing country, but this dream is about 10 years away, minimum. Perhaps a more achievable goal that is still aligned with the bigger dream is to pay off your house so that you no longer have mortgage demands.
Realistic
– While you reach for the sky it’s important to know your limitations. For instance, a 56-year old man who has no political experience, who wants to set a goal of being President of the United States in the next five years, is setting a goal that is not realistic. However, setting a goal for more political involvement such as running for local office or working on a political campaign is a very realistic and worthwhile goal. Unrealistic goals are dispiriting and can prevent people from moving forward at all.
Time bound
– To make a goal compelling it must be time bound. The question to ask a client when setting goals is “By when?” The date can always be adjusted, but it gives the client something to work towards and is motivating.
Goal Achievement Process
1. Set the Goal.
2. List the resources needed to achieve it.
3. List the assets you currently have to make it possible.
4. Identify any blocks or obstacles standing in the way.
5. List any significant milestones to reach along the way (with dates).
6. List the actions required to meet the first milestone by a given date.
7. Build in a reward or celebration for when you do reach the goal.
AC102 Enthusing
What are some other areas you can think of where clients can benefit from the technique of enthusing?
To enthuse someone means to make someone enthusiastic about something. The act of enthusing involves “energizing” the moment. As coaches we try to “energize” or enthuse our clients to take action to bring about changes in their lives for the better. Sometimes people accept change with reluctance. Other times they welcome it with open arms.
To enthuse someone means to make someone enthusiastic about something. The act of enthusing involves “energizing” the moment. As coaches we try to “energize” or enthuse our clients to take action to bring about changes in their lives for the better. Sometimes people accept change with reluctance. Other times they welcome it with open arms.
The more willingly we embrace change, the more likely that we can shape it meet our needs instead of being overwhelmed by it. The old adage that people have to “want to change” before they really can, is very true.
To enthuse is to energize the client to take that important step in the direction they are envisioning their life will go. The following are examples of when to use the enthusing technique:
- Client is afraid to change jobs.
- Client is unable to speak their truth.
- Client is not feeling supported in their relationships.
- Client is holding himself or herself back from doing something that would bring them great joy.
- Client is afraid to stand up to someone who is manipulating or dominating them.
When you enthuse you make an emotional connection with the client. Clients “feel’ your enthusiasm as much as they respond to your actual words. If you think of positive energy as a fuel that powers movement, enthusing could be described as giving the client a “top up” of enough positive energy to help them move into action.
(extracted from ICA reading)
心打開，才會遇見對的人 (文章轉載)
陳月卿談與蘇起的婚姻
拿掉他所有條件，你還願意跟他，就表示他是值得你愛的人。
「我們到桃源街吃晚飯，飯後散步到中山堂附近，坐在人行椅上，他會靠在我的肩膀上休息，」陳月卿柔柔地說著，她和夫婿──國安局秘書長蘇起的生活點滴。 明年是他們步上紅毯後的第二十個年頭，由陳月卿來回答「如何嫁對老公」，最適合不過了。
嫁對人很重要，經營婚姻更重要
蘇起是否符合陳月卿心目中白馬王子的條件呢？「我從不去想會嫁什麼樣的人，緣分到了，自然就會出現。重要的是選擇妳所愛，愛妳所選擇的。」 她認為找到好老公很難，每個人的好都不一樣，要選合適的人才重要。她引述作家羅蘭的話：「婚姻就像鞋，有的明明是雙好鞋，可是會打腳。穿上去舒不舒服才是重點。」 「嫁對人很重要，經營婚姻更重要，」一位是衝鋒陷陣的新聞工作者，一位是服膺「定、靜、安、慮、得」儒家思想的官員、學者，他們的家庭生活是什麼光景？ 一九八七年，陳月卿和蘇起因相親而認識，兩年後結婚，這次婚姻是兩人的第二春。當時也有人介紹其他異性朋友，而陳月卿情歸蘇起，是因兩人有相同的價值觀、興趣，同樣都是政大畢業、外省第二代的背景，更重要的是，「我們聊得來，很能溝通。」
吵架三原則不可犯，夫妻謹守底線
她為自己找到可以談心的對象而高興，她的老師卻潑她冷水，「男人結了婚就會變的，」陳月卿信誓旦旦地說，「蘇起不一樣，他不會變。」 婚後，他們就和一般夫妻一樣進入磨合期，「誰該倒垃圾、誰該洗碗、我也上班，為何我做比較多，」這樣的問題常常出現。 不出老師所料，他們也不溝通了，蘇起認為該說的話在婚前都說完了，「沒問題就不用溝通，『我愛妳』說多了就不值錢，」陳月卿卻認為「不溝通就會有問題，而且愛要說出來，我才知道你在想什麼啊。」
後來陳月卿發現，蘇起不說甜言蜜語，並不是不愛她，而是他認為說出口的話都是承諾，不可隨便說說。 他們約法三章，吵架有三原則不可犯：不能掛電話、不能摔盤子、不能說離婚。結婚以來，不管吵得多兇，他們謹守這條底線。不過，通常是蘇起冷靜的離開吵架現場。
蘇起誠心讚美，陳月卿甘心下廚
「我的居家本性是被蘇起誘發的，」雖然陳月卿的星座是以居家著稱的巨蟹座。
蘇起喜歡待在家裡，堅持在家吃飯。交往時，蘇起曾經問她：「會不會做飯？」陳月卿回他：「聰明的人學什麼都快。」 婚後第二天，蘇起「示範」了一桌好菜，讓陳月卿感受在家吃飯的溫暖，「不過，他就做那麼一次，」她笑著說如何被哄下廚，而且是心甘情願，因為不管她煮得如何，即使半生不熟、味道不對，蘇起都是面帶微笑吃下去，然後說「在家吃飯最幸福了」。
蘇起告訴陳月卿最希望回家時有一盞燈是亮的。結果點那盞燈的人經常是蘇起，等著晚歸的陳月卿回家，「有人點燈等我回家，感覺好好。」從此她喜歡往外跑的個性漸漸收斂。 「不要怕付出，不要以為下一個男人會更好，」這是陳月卿的婚姻經營之道，「要常常讚美另一半，」就像她無論做什麼，蘇起永遠給予讚美。即使不做飯上館子吃飯，也會稱讚她很會點菜。早上起床還沒刷牙、洗臉，蘇起會讚美她，「老婆，妳好迷人。」
婚姻只有雙輸或雙贏，不可能單方勝利
夫妻之間要彼此尊重。陳月卿說，如果要請老公做事，不要用命令的口氣。她以自己為例，有一天，她告訴蘇起，「我好喜歡接送小孩，在車上和小孩獨處時，我們講好多好多話喔。」結果隔天，蘇起早早起床，他說要送小孩上學。 信任是婚姻的基石。蘇起給陳月卿最大的信任和安全感。他們每天會定時通電話，有了孩子以後，還是會營造兩人世界，一個月約會一次。 夫妻角色也會因狀況而調整。當陳月卿忙著出書、演講，蘇起對她說：「我會好好照顧家庭的。」而當蘇起入閣忙於公事，她就會擔起大部份家事，讓他無後顧之憂。
在這段婚姻，蘇起的最大貢獻，就是讓她愛上運動、喜歡居家生活，改變急躁的脾氣，腳步開始放慢，生命不再只是工作而已。有時候，陳月卿在家用新聞人急迫的口氣說話時，蘇起會提醒她，不要把工作情緒帶回家。「把我安定下來，是他最大成就。」 她的豁達、開朗是從蘇起身上學到的。「我看到他真誠的一面，他的言行都符合佛家思想，原來佛家所說的是行得通的，」雖然蘇起不是佛教徒，陳月卿卻因他而信佛。 難怪，眼前這位曾經拿過五座金鐘獎，訪問過無數名人的昔日華視當家主播，眼神不見犀利，只有溫柔與詳和。
而個性內斂的蘇起，在陳月卿「調教」之下，現在每天都要和家人親親抱抱，而且是用力擁抱，他要讓家人感受到他的愛。 「婚姻應該是1加1大於2，讓雙方變更好，在婚姻裡只有雙輸或雙贏，不可能單方勝利的。」這是陳月卿的肺腑之言，因為她的幸福得來不易。
蘇起罹患肝癌，陳月卿人生大轉彎
時間要回到一九九一年五月。當時兩年的婚姻磨合期加上流產的打擊，陳月卿到美國短期進修時，開始思索婚姻的意義。然而蘇起的一通越洋電話，打亂了她的行程，自稱患有「工作上癮症」的陳月卿，人生順位重新排序。
「我得到肝癌，」電話那頭蘇起的語氣平靜，也叫陳月卿不必趕回家，繼續完成行程，「他是體貼我才這麼說的」。 為了確定病情，她打電話回台灣問醫生，「肝臟上的腫瘤很少是良性的，」聽到醫生的回答，她當下決定回台，放棄到美國哥倫比亞廣播公司「六十分鐘」節目、CNN實習，為工作生涯加分的大好機會。 在紐約機場，她和送行同伴相擁而泣，為了蘇起的病，也為了人生這個突然出現的轉彎。
天天喝精力湯，拾回全家人健康
陳月卿回台後，辭去忙碌的電視節目製作人工作，以家庭為重，展開夫妻倆的抗癌大作戰。為了養生抗癌，她開始發揮新聞工作者的精神，研讀國內外健康飲食書籍，也當起神農，嘗試各種飲食方法。《食物是最好的醫藥》一書是她的聖經，她相信「食物就是你的藥，藥物並不能帶來健康，心靈喜悅會帶來身體的健康……」而《用營養擊退癌症》一書裡所提的「全果汁」營養概念，讓她從此埋頭研究「精力湯」。 妳會常常在電視上看到陳月卿賣力介紹精力湯，那是他們全家人每天飲用的聖品，讓蘇起的肝癌不再復發，連原本是藥罐子的她，做身體檢查時，醫生都告訴她，腸胃漂亮得像嬰兒。那麼好的東西，當然要告訴更多人。
從電視主播，變成養生達人
人生的每個轉彎，都是新的起點。她感謝二○○四年逼她離開工作崗位的人，因為他們的逼退，陳月卿才能擁有現在的一片天。 二○○五年及二○○七年，她集結自身的體驗，出版兩本養生暢銷書，從主播變成養生達人。 在二○○五年的新書發表會上，蘇起上台致詞感謝妻子為他所付出的一切時大哭，令在場人士為之動容。「假如她生病的話，我恐怕沒有辦法花那麼多力氣來照顧她，她的事業也在高峰啊，說放開就放開。」
一心只想生孩子，讓蘇起有求生意志
樂觀的陳月卿，從沒想過會失去蘇起，只想到如何讓他活下去。除了改變飲食，在蘇起還沒度過肝癌復發危險期，一九九四年，她生女兒，一九九七年，她生兒子，「我一心只想生個孩子，讓我先生有求生意志。」 如果妳聽到有人在丈夫罹癌後，不離不棄，還生下兩個孩子，只為了激起他的求生意志，這是笨女人，還是真愛？ 人有時候好像必須藉由老天給的考驗，才知愛的深度。曾在紐約思索婚姻意義的陳月卿，原來愛蘇起如此深。「當你拿掉他所有條件，你還願意跟他，就表示他是值得你愛的人。」
該如何像陳月卿覓得良緣、嫁對的人呢？「心打開，才會遇見對的人；選合適的人，不是最好的人；女性要獨立，無論是情緒上還是經濟上，自己的喜怒不要依附在別人身上，不要因為對方沒讚美妳就生氣；要有能力付出，不能只是一味要求；給自己一個角落，也給別人空間；不要想改變別人，不要以為婚後他會為妳改變……」陳月卿不吝惜地告訴大家她的秘訣。
採訪尾聲，問她蘇起是什麼類型的老公？「他EQ高，有智慧，成熟穩健，有愛心，有責任感，孝順顧家，具有專業、人文素養……」陳月卿的答案多到超出選擇範圍，看她談到蘇起時的眼神，你會以為她是熱戀或新婚的女人。
拿掉他所有條件，你還願意跟他，就表示他是值得你愛的人。
「我們到桃源街吃晚飯，飯後散步到中山堂附近，坐在人行椅上，他會靠在我的肩膀上休息，」陳月卿柔柔地說著，她和夫婿──國安局秘書長蘇起的生活點滴。 明年是他們步上紅毯後的第二十個年頭，由陳月卿來回答「如何嫁對老公」，最適合不過了。
嫁對人很重要，經營婚姻更重要
蘇起是否符合陳月卿心目中白馬王子的條件呢？「我從不去想會嫁什麼樣的人，緣分到了，自然就會出現。重要的是選擇妳所愛，愛妳所選擇的。」 她認為找到好老公很難，每個人的好都不一樣，要選合適的人才重要。她引述作家羅蘭的話：「婚姻就像鞋，有的明明是雙好鞋，可是會打腳。穿上去舒不舒服才是重點。」 「嫁對人很重要，經營婚姻更重要，」一位是衝鋒陷陣的新聞工作者，一位是服膺「定、靜、安、慮、得」儒家思想的官員、學者，他們的家庭生活是什麼光景？ 一九八七年，陳月卿和蘇起因相親而認識，兩年後結婚，這次婚姻是兩人的第二春。當時也有人介紹其他異性朋友，而陳月卿情歸蘇起，是因兩人有相同的價值觀、興趣，同樣都是政大畢業、外省第二代的背景，更重要的是，「我們聊得來，很能溝通。」
吵架三原則不可犯，夫妻謹守底線
她為自己找到可以談心的對象而高興，她的老師卻潑她冷水，「男人結了婚就會變的，」陳月卿信誓旦旦地說，「蘇起不一樣，他不會變。」 婚後，他們就和一般夫妻一樣進入磨合期，「誰該倒垃圾、誰該洗碗、我也上班，為何我做比較多，」這樣的問題常常出現。 不出老師所料，他們也不溝通了，蘇起認為該說的話在婚前都說完了，「沒問題就不用溝通，『我愛妳』說多了就不值錢，」陳月卿卻認為「不溝通就會有問題，而且愛要說出來，我才知道你在想什麼啊。」
後來陳月卿發現，蘇起不說甜言蜜語，並不是不愛她，而是他認為說出口的話都是承諾，不可隨便說說。 他們約法三章，吵架有三原則不可犯：不能掛電話、不能摔盤子、不能說離婚。結婚以來，不管吵得多兇，他們謹守這條底線。不過，通常是蘇起冷靜的離開吵架現場。
蘇起誠心讚美，陳月卿甘心下廚
「我的居家本性是被蘇起誘發的，」雖然陳月卿的星座是以居家著稱的巨蟹座。
蘇起喜歡待在家裡，堅持在家吃飯。交往時，蘇起曾經問她：「會不會做飯？」陳月卿回他：「聰明的人學什麼都快。」 婚後第二天，蘇起「示範」了一桌好菜，讓陳月卿感受在家吃飯的溫暖，「不過，他就做那麼一次，」她笑著說如何被哄下廚，而且是心甘情願，因為不管她煮得如何，即使半生不熟、味道不對，蘇起都是面帶微笑吃下去，然後說「在家吃飯最幸福了」。
蘇起告訴陳月卿最希望回家時有一盞燈是亮的。結果點那盞燈的人經常是蘇起，等著晚歸的陳月卿回家，「有人點燈等我回家，感覺好好。」從此她喜歡往外跑的個性漸漸收斂。 「不要怕付出，不要以為下一個男人會更好，」這是陳月卿的婚姻經營之道，「要常常讚美另一半，」就像她無論做什麼，蘇起永遠給予讚美。即使不做飯上館子吃飯，也會稱讚她很會點菜。早上起床還沒刷牙、洗臉，蘇起會讚美她，「老婆，妳好迷人。」
婚姻只有雙輸或雙贏，不可能單方勝利
夫妻之間要彼此尊重。陳月卿說，如果要請老公做事，不要用命令的口氣。她以自己為例，有一天，她告訴蘇起，「我好喜歡接送小孩，在車上和小孩獨處時，我們講好多好多話喔。」結果隔天，蘇起早早起床，他說要送小孩上學。 信任是婚姻的基石。蘇起給陳月卿最大的信任和安全感。他們每天會定時通電話，有了孩子以後，還是會營造兩人世界，一個月約會一次。 夫妻角色也會因狀況而調整。當陳月卿忙著出書、演講，蘇起對她說：「我會好好照顧家庭的。」而當蘇起入閣忙於公事，她就會擔起大部份家事，讓他無後顧之憂。
在這段婚姻，蘇起的最大貢獻，就是讓她愛上運動、喜歡居家生活，改變急躁的脾氣，腳步開始放慢，生命不再只是工作而已。有時候，陳月卿在家用新聞人急迫的口氣說話時，蘇起會提醒她，不要把工作情緒帶回家。「把我安定下來，是他最大成就。」 她的豁達、開朗是從蘇起身上學到的。「我看到他真誠的一面，他的言行都符合佛家思想，原來佛家所說的是行得通的，」雖然蘇起不是佛教徒，陳月卿卻因他而信佛。 難怪，眼前這位曾經拿過五座金鐘獎，訪問過無數名人的昔日華視當家主播，眼神不見犀利，只有溫柔與詳和。
而個性內斂的蘇起，在陳月卿「調教」之下，現在每天都要和家人親親抱抱，而且是用力擁抱，他要讓家人感受到他的愛。 「婚姻應該是1加1大於2，讓雙方變更好，在婚姻裡只有雙輸或雙贏，不可能單方勝利的。」這是陳月卿的肺腑之言，因為她的幸福得來不易。
蘇起罹患肝癌，陳月卿人生大轉彎
時間要回到一九九一年五月。當時兩年的婚姻磨合期加上流產的打擊，陳月卿到美國短期進修時，開始思索婚姻的意義。然而蘇起的一通越洋電話，打亂了她的行程，自稱患有「工作上癮症」的陳月卿，人生順位重新排序。
「我得到肝癌，」電話那頭蘇起的語氣平靜，也叫陳月卿不必趕回家，繼續完成行程，「他是體貼我才這麼說的」。 為了確定病情，她打電話回台灣問醫生，「肝臟上的腫瘤很少是良性的，」聽到醫生的回答，她當下決定回台，放棄到美國哥倫比亞廣播公司「六十分鐘」節目、CNN實習，為工作生涯加分的大好機會。 在紐約機場，她和送行同伴相擁而泣，為了蘇起的病，也為了人生這個突然出現的轉彎。
天天喝精力湯，拾回全家人健康
陳月卿回台後，辭去忙碌的電視節目製作人工作，以家庭為重，展開夫妻倆的抗癌大作戰。為了養生抗癌，她開始發揮新聞工作者的精神，研讀國內外健康飲食書籍，也當起神農，嘗試各種飲食方法。《食物是最好的醫藥》一書是她的聖經，她相信「食物就是你的藥，藥物並不能帶來健康，心靈喜悅會帶來身體的健康……」而《用營養擊退癌症》一書裡所提的「全果汁」營養概念，讓她從此埋頭研究「精力湯」。 妳會常常在電視上看到陳月卿賣力介紹精力湯，那是他們全家人每天飲用的聖品，讓蘇起的肝癌不再復發，連原本是藥罐子的她，做身體檢查時，醫生都告訴她，腸胃漂亮得像嬰兒。那麼好的東西，當然要告訴更多人。
從電視主播，變成養生達人
人生的每個轉彎，都是新的起點。她感謝二○○四年逼她離開工作崗位的人，因為他們的逼退，陳月卿才能擁有現在的一片天。 二○○五年及二○○七年，她集結自身的體驗，出版兩本養生暢銷書，從主播變成養生達人。 在二○○五年的新書發表會上，蘇起上台致詞感謝妻子為他所付出的一切時大哭，令在場人士為之動容。「假如她生病的話，我恐怕沒有辦法花那麼多力氣來照顧她，她的事業也在高峰啊，說放開就放開。」
一心只想生孩子，讓蘇起有求生意志
樂觀的陳月卿，從沒想過會失去蘇起，只想到如何讓他活下去。除了改變飲食，在蘇起還沒度過肝癌復發危險期，一九九四年，她生女兒，一九九七年，她生兒子，「我一心只想生個孩子，讓我先生有求生意志。」 如果妳聽到有人在丈夫罹癌後，不離不棄，還生下兩個孩子，只為了激起他的求生意志，這是笨女人，還是真愛？ 人有時候好像必須藉由老天給的考驗，才知愛的深度。曾在紐約思索婚姻意義的陳月卿，原來愛蘇起如此深。「當你拿掉他所有條件，你還願意跟他，就表示他是值得你愛的人。」
該如何像陳月卿覓得良緣、嫁對的人呢？「心打開，才會遇見對的人；選合適的人，不是最好的人；女性要獨立，無論是情緒上還是經濟上，自己的喜怒不要依附在別人身上，不要因為對方沒讚美妳就生氣；要有能力付出，不能只是一味要求；給自己一個角落，也給別人空間；不要想改變別人，不要以為婚後他會為妳改變……」陳月卿不吝惜地告訴大家她的秘訣。
採訪尾聲，問她蘇起是什麼類型的老公？「他EQ高，有智慧，成熟穩健，有愛心，有責任感，孝順顧家，具有專業、人文素養……」陳月卿的答案多到超出選擇範圍，看她談到蘇起時的眼神，你會以為她是熱戀或新婚的女人。
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