Facilitator: Bill Turpin
2009/2/5, 20:00~21:00
Key learning points
Effective feedback creates options, alternatives, choices and actions. Feedback helps clients become self-aware and self-decisive. Feedback is a statement of what is (observation and reflection). It is not a thing ought to do or should do. It would be really good to clarify what kind of feedback we need to provide to make it effective (by defining the scope of the feedback). Feedback is mutual and is reflection and not positive or negative.
Feedback is given in view of client's goal and values. Opinions is given is view of our goal and values. We must know clients' goals and values. The better we know their goals and the better the feedback we provide. Effective feedback could build trust, provide options, encourage growth and build self-esteem. Empowering the client means empowering the coaching relationship.Feedback should be specific, as clear as possible. If it is hard (vague) to understand that would be hard to respond.
Opinion attack, feedback attracts.
Fear being misunderstood and we would become offensive.
Be careful and mindful of the time we might turn our feedback to opinions.
When we share our own experience or story, it is only my experience but truth for client's reference and reflection. If the client does not know feedback from opinions, if we ask client their feedback we need to give them the parameters that we are looking for. Helping them understand what is feedback.Give them a story and let them know what opinion is and what feedback is. Wife asks feedback from husband of their dress.
Discussion
Talk about the challenge last week. What did you learn and discover from the challenge?
- We asked for feedback but normally we got opinions
- Most people default to give opinions rather than feedback
- Opinion is not necessary bad, but it would be a life changing when we could provide feedback instead of opinions.
We have to ask question like "what kind of feedback you are looking for?" This is asking for parameters of the feedback. Take Toastmasters for example, which
- Helps you to develop your public speaking skills
- Individual evaluator will provide feedback to assist you to be aware of your performance and improve it.
Parameters of giving feedback effectively
- You need to ask permission because feedback must be welcomed. May I give you some feedback? May I share with you some feedback? (They might not want it, they have to be ready for it, prevent their interruption?) Do I have to ask that questions every time? How often? Obviously you have not to say that, but let them know that it the coaching culture. Depends on the situation.
- Give timely feedback. (We should not interrupt before the person finish talking. Most of time we interrupt because we have conclusions already. It's not good to give the feedback saying like "Let me give you some feedback!" without asking permission)
- Feedback must be "Mutual" and "Objective" (What is the difference between mutual and objective? Mutual feedback : no pressure ; Objective feedback: not personal, not emotional) (Mutual: is a statement of what is, not a statement of you should or ought to doing. We do not want to become bias. Objective : not subject. It's the moment all about client not about you. Understand that we have judgment but suspend it when coaching.)
- Feedback must be truthful (the person will not move on if you tell a lie to them.) In coaching is not about discovering what the truth is. In terms coaching, truth is a framework we work within. Do you think your client want you to lie to them or to be honest with them? Honest, of course.
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