Facilitator: Bill Turpin
2009/1/29: 20:00~21:00
Key learning points
Feedback is given in view of the other person's (receiver's) goals and values. Opinion is given in view of the coach's (my) goals and values. When we give feedback, we need give it in view of the person's goals and values. To give feedback effectively, it requires that we must understand client's goals and values. How often do we make the mistakes assuming that we know the person's goals and values according to the past experience? Feedback is the statement of what is. It is not should do or ought to do. Feedback is neither positive nor negative, it is neutral. We want to help client become self-ware and subsequently self-decisive.
Coaches must be minded of our own opinions and judgments when we give feedback. We could ask clients a question: do you think that is what you really want to reflect for? Give the person and time for second thought. When giving feedback, we should be non-judgmental. Be aware of judgmental and we could "suspend judgment" for a moment and focus on client's goal and values (align with client's goals and values). Or it would be very easy for us to give feedback from our opinions, goals and values.
- Feedback attracts; opinion attacks.
- Real play (true story) is better than role play.
- Feedback is not about me (giver), is about the client (receiver).
- When you hear "what do you think?" They might need feedback but not opinions.
- Effective feedback: give feedback align with client's goals and values or help client become align with their goals and values.
Discussion
Q: How would you define feedback? What is feedback? What comes to your mind when you hear the word "feedback"?
- non-judgmental, reflect what's been said and done
- feedback gives us an opportunity to have a second thought and reflect to what happened
- perspective from the other person, which is different from my perspective
- positive feedback, objective feedback
Q: What would you say the difference of feedback vs. opinion?
Feedback: nonjudgmental, their own conclusion, objective, neutral, align with their journey, with permission, unbiased,
Opinion: judgmental, my ideas, subjective, personalized,
Q: How to know that we are giving feedback or opinions?
Opinions: from my (coach's) perspectives
Feedback: I don't have to agree with him, but I could appreciate his goals and values and his efforts - on target of his goal (client's perspective)
Q: To coach a client on leadership, with 360 feedback for the executive level. It's really difficult to get "feedback" but opinions. However, we have to use the opinions to coach those executives. It is challenging. Please advise.
Ask the questions in the beginning, "what do they feel and believe that person's goal and values as an executive?" If the person have communicated well with team members, it would be easier for them to provide feedback. Second, ask "what is the difference between feedback and the opinion?" Not basing on assumptions, we must make sure that their goal is to work well with the team and to become the effective leader.
Exercise
Some participants were invited to give Bill a feedback but not an opinion.
- It is hard to give the "feedback" because our natural default is to give opinions, so we need to learn how to suspend judgments
- We need to ask the person' s goals and values than we could give feedback according to that goals and values
Challenge (homework)
- Find three people and explain the difference between feedback and opinions and ask them to give you feedback.
2009/1/29
2009/1/27
AC102 Enthusing 使充滿熱情 - Part II
Facilitator: Bill Turpin
2009/1/27, 20:00~21:00
Key learning points
When we enthuse someone, we want to increase the "internal" energy, so we would use the word "inspire" instead of motivate. Motivation is external. When client takes the action, we need to ask them why they want to change? Is it coming from themselves or for others? According to the answer, we could tell whether the client is ready for "change". For example, if someone is doing something to please someone else, the person is not ready for change.
"Enthusing" is the process to help someone see their potential until they see it. Inspire them and make them think. Help them become a participator but not an observer. Coach help clients get pass the fear / take them out of the comfort zone. Coach help clients catch the opportunity when they are ready. When you pass the fears and say "I did it." and sound excited. It is a enthusing moment.
In the cartoon of Winnie the Pooh, Tigger is full of "enthusiasm". I wanna be Tigger. ^^
Discussion
Q: Anything exciting?
Q: Anything challenging? needed support?
Q: What do you mean "enthuse"?
- to excite, energize, recognize achievement, inspire, to feel passion
- help clients see the future, help them find their potential
Q: What is the difference between "cheer leading" and "enthusing"?
Cheer leading = the energy comes from coach / it might be tiring / not from clients' needs / clients do not own it. Enthusing = clients own it.
Q: What's the difference between manipulating/coercion and enthusing?
Manipulating/coercion = coach's agenda, client's change does not last long, the change comes from coach. Enthusing = client's agenda, the change lasts long, the change comes from clients
Q: Is it a "risk" that enthusing sometimes to be see as approval from coach? How to prevent that direction?
Yes. We need to be careful and minded. we don't want clients take our enthusing as approval. They need to be confident. They need to take the ownership. We might need to ask client "are you doing this because of me?" and tell client " I need you to believe in yourself without my approval."
Q: If coaching is about creating change, what is the relationship of it with enthusing?
Enthusing is the change agent / catalyst. Enthusing connects the need with the value of the client. Coaching is help client vision themselves in a bugger picture / healthier.
Q: What is something else we could do for enthusing?
- the tone of our voice
- smile would raise energy
- tell a story to inspire
- show our energy
- acknowledge their words
2009/1/27, 20:00~21:00
Key learning points
When we enthuse someone, we want to increase the "internal" energy, so we would use the word "inspire" instead of motivate. Motivation is external. When client takes the action, we need to ask them why they want to change? Is it coming from themselves or for others? According to the answer, we could tell whether the client is ready for "change". For example, if someone is doing something to please someone else, the person is not ready for change.
"Enthusing" is the process to help someone see their potential until they see it. Inspire them and make them think. Help them become a participator but not an observer. Coach help clients get pass the fear / take them out of the comfort zone. Coach help clients catch the opportunity when they are ready. When you pass the fears and say "I did it." and sound excited. It is a enthusing moment.
In the cartoon of Winnie the Pooh, Tigger is full of "enthusiasm". I wanna be Tigger. ^^
Discussion
Q: Anything exciting?
Q: Anything challenging? needed support?
Q: What do you mean "enthuse"?
- to excite, energize, recognize achievement, inspire, to feel passion
- help clients see the future, help them find their potential
Q: What is the difference between "cheer leading" and "enthusing"?
Cheer leading = the energy comes from coach / it might be tiring / not from clients' needs / clients do not own it. Enthusing = clients own it.
Q: What's the difference between manipulating/coercion and enthusing?
Manipulating/coercion = coach's agenda, client's change does not last long, the change comes from coach. Enthusing = client's agenda, the change lasts long, the change comes from clients
Q: Is it a "risk" that enthusing sometimes to be see as approval from coach? How to prevent that direction?
Yes. We need to be careful and minded. we don't want clients take our enthusing as approval. They need to be confident. They need to take the ownership. We might need to ask client "are you doing this because of me?" and tell client " I need you to believe in yourself without my approval."
Q: If coaching is about creating change, what is the relationship of it with enthusing?
Enthusing is the change agent / catalyst. Enthusing connects the need with the value of the client. Coaching is help client vision themselves in a bugger picture / healthier.
Q: What is something else we could do for enthusing?
- the tone of our voice
- smile would raise energy
- tell a story to inspire
- show our energy
- acknowledge their words
FC107 Power Listing 活力傾聽 - Part II
Facilitator: Sherry Read
2009/1/26, 20:00~21:00
Key learning points
Coaching over phone could be more convenient for coach to take notes for better memorize the context. When we notice that something comes up 3-4 times, that is the thing we need to talk. We want someone to feel being heard for making the connection, but taking notes might cut the connection. That's why sometimes, phone is better than face to face coaching.
Behaviours in powerful listening
- Mirroring : reflect back as perfectly as possible, use clients' words
- Paraphrasing : use our perspective and words, "What I heard you were saying...."
Checking their feelings
- I have heard a lot emotional words, would you like to say something more about it?
When coach says "I am hearing that you....", we provide a room for clients to correct if we hear it wrongly. It also provides a feeling of "not judging".
Listen from the heart.
Discussion
Q: Close your eyes and think about a person in your life. Who's made him/her a good listener?
- Ask a lot of questions, for a deeper conversation (questioning skills - funnel technique)
- Let the person talk and let everything out
- Be patient, give time and space
- An important step for coach to take - silence (use W.A.I.T. = why am I talking to remind ourselves)
Q: If our client says something which makes us uncomfortable (relate to our personal experience or feeling), what could we do?
- Take a short break, recentered to deep breathing
- Being aware of our feeling (what's going on with me?)
- About share our experience or story with our client: we must pay attention and ask ourselves, "when I share, is it for them? or for me?" For them, yes, we may empowering them and help them.
2009/1/26, 20:00~21:00
Key learning points
Coaching over phone could be more convenient for coach to take notes for better memorize the context. When we notice that something comes up 3-4 times, that is the thing we need to talk. We want someone to feel being heard for making the connection, but taking notes might cut the connection. That's why sometimes, phone is better than face to face coaching.
Behaviours in powerful listening
- Mirroring : reflect back as perfectly as possible, use clients' words
- Paraphrasing : use our perspective and words, "What I heard you were saying...."
Checking their feelings
- I have heard a lot emotional words, would you like to say something more about it?
When coach says "I am hearing that you....", we provide a room for clients to correct if we hear it wrongly. It also provides a feeling of "not judging".
Listen from the heart.
Discussion
Q: Close your eyes and think about a person in your life. Who's made him/her a good listener?
- Ask a lot of questions, for a deeper conversation (questioning skills - funnel technique)
- Let the person talk and let everything out
- Be patient, give time and space
- An important step for coach to take - silence (use W.A.I.T. = why am I talking to remind ourselves)
Q: If our client says something which makes us uncomfortable (relate to our personal experience or feeling), what could we do?
- Take a short break, recentered to deep breathing
- Being aware of our feeling (what's going on with me?)
- About share our experience or story with our client: we must pay attention and ask ourselves, "when I share, is it for them? or for me?" For them, yes, we may empowering them and help them.
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